Thursday, January 12, 2006

bad mommy

That's how I feel today. Like I've lost control, like I don't know if I'm doing things right, I'm questioning my judgment and even feel guilty about this little pleasure, sitting here and typing this out. Last night was a strange night in this household and because of all the events I ended up going to bed mad at hubby and big sis. I even went to sleep in the guest bedroom, which I do once in a while anyways when hubby has one of his major snooring episodes.

The preschoolers constantly clamor for my attention and have been like cats and dogs all week, mom I want this, I want that, he touched me, he hit me, I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, I don't want to go to bed, etc. etc.

The pre-teen is hormonal. I was helping her with some of her homework, trying to make this text she wrote sound a little better, trying to get her to achieve a bit more of excellence rather than settling for mediocrity, and she got mad at me, so under my breath I said "f**k it", and told her "fine, you do it on your own". Seems like I've lost all my patience with her lately. Tired of telling her the same stuff over and over. I've become the dreaded nagging mom : make your bed, pick up your clothes, put your stuff away, go take a shower, etc. Hubby tells me I'm too tough on her. I just want her to do the best she can. Before she went to bed I told her how she made me feel, like crying actually, and told her I'm no longer helping her unless she asks for it and that tomorrow its a new start.

Meanwhile, hubby comes home claiming to have had a rough day, so what else is new and what about mine? Drive kids back and forth to school, to gymnastics lessons, to grocery store, make beds, do laundry, fold laundry, devise meal plan, dry wet mitts and snowpants, stop several squabbles, inherit 2 extra neighbourhood kids after school AND drag two screaming and kicking four year olds to the doctor for a shot. All this with a major head cold? He starts complaining how he's had enough of women bickering at work now he has to come home to hear more bickering. After the kids were in bed, we had a dozen or so boxes of Christmas stuff to stash in the basement and he just looked at them and me and said "well I'm off to bed, I'm pooped", so guesss who put everything away, alone.

This staying at home business can be so degrading at times and dehumanizing. Seems everyone throws their demnads on me and I feel like I'm catering to all their needs with NO recognition. All I'm asking is for a thank-you once in a while and yes a little help would be great too. Seems ever since I've been home, hubby is doing less and less cuz he figures I'm home , right?, so I can handle it all, I'm responsible for everything. YET, even though I've been getting a few job offers lately, my heart is not ready to go back there, I'm still happier being here.

All right, enough with the venting. Better go get ready, twins have their first skating lesson today. At least I get to witness that :)

Today, I'm definitely "hanging in there"


BeachMama said...

Ahh, I feel your pain. It would seem that with the exception of the garbage and mowing the grass, I do everything else around here and sometimes it sucks. We used to share household duties, now it would seem that it all falls to me now.


Brenda said...

I hope that things have gotten better! I hear you on all the managing and organizing and mediating and just plain expected to handle it all...but I think it is a woman thing, not just a sahm thing. Even when I was working, I was running the house, driving the kids, doing laundry and groceries, cleaning. Every couple of weeks I would lose it an blow...healthy if you ask me! So, vent away, I can relate!


ps, could you come put mt X-Mas bins away too, they are taking up way too much livingroom space, or I could just set them up to use them as coffee tables! Do ya think hubby would notce them then?

nancy said...

I hate days/feelings like that. Early to bed hubbies don't help, I have one like that sometimes too.

Can I 'hang' with you?? I am pretty sure we'd have a great time.


Anonymous said...

Hey Montse,

I found you!! Great blogging. I just wanted to drop a line to say hey your not alone. I have those moments too. I'm hoping once my kiddies are bigger it gets easier. Probably not, but I can dream can't I?



Silver Creek Mom said...

OK Twinmom

I'm alittle slow but you could have Told ME you started to blog. Of coures now that I think of it was wondering when you replied to my posts you name was BLUE.
Great Blog my dear.


Silver Creek Mom said...

I'm still trying to get my Xmas decoratings in the attic. I hate that I do it all. And for putting away thing I thought it was only me who had that problem. NO one helps me with that. SIGH...One day One Day.

Just thought I'd add this now that I read it through more seriously. I was so excited to find you I just posted.