its a crazy world out there

You'll hear a news story on the radio and vaguely pay attention to it. Its normal. You live content in knowing that your world is not permeated closely by that situation.

Till it hits home.

There has been several incidents since September of prank 911 calls to local high schools with hoax threats of bombs and arms. It has created a multitude of lockdown situations. Yesterday, it happened at big sis' school. She stayed hidden behind a couch (she was in drama class) for THREE hours. Just imagine the range of emotions going through everyone's heads. Students and teachers alike. They had had drills and discussions about codes to be used in certain situations. Yesterday, they soon realized that it wasn't a drill. It was the real thing. The cops came. Went through the whole school. Checked classrooms one by one and students one by one. Ultimately, it turned out to be a hoax. Yet again, another distorted mind with nothing else better to do with their lives than seek a cheap thrill at the expense of others. Ruin a multitude of people's days. Instill unnecessary fright. Will they get caught? And if they do, what will happen to them? Protected under the young offender's act we'll never really hear much more of it. Does it make others feel like doing it too since there's no retribution after the fact?

As for big sis, she was freaked at first, naturally. She kept thinking of her siblings whom she hoped would never have to go through this (they just had received a notice that they will go through a lockdown procedures discussion next week). She was thinking of her friends in other classrooms. She was thinking of me at home and her dad at work who would worry about her. She was thinking of all the little wee ones in the daycare attached to her high school. But poor thing, she really really had to go pee and couldn't go to the washroom. So apart from her mental anguish, she was physically suffering. Plus they had all worked so hard to organize this Halloween party/dance that never ended up happening because of some lost distorted soul. A real bummer for them all.

As a mother, you always worry about your kids. Now just sending them to school, your worries are elevated to a whole new level. We hugged a lot last night and discussed this all over with her. Of course, as a mom I just want to keep them home where I know they are safe. BUT we must not let them live in fear of going places and doing things either. That is too paralyzing.

Let's pray that all our kids come home safely today and everyday.

this morning

everyone left me

by bus

by motorcycle

and all I have left with me

are knots in my stomach

hope you are having a great first day back at school...

last few days of summer

The days are getting shorter. The days are getting cooler. We are all enjoying our last days of summer lounging around in the morning. Next week the routine of making lunches and sending kids off to school will start again.

Soccer season has ended for the little ones, they both did so well and were so pleased to receive their trophies after their tournament day. Big sis' turn this coming Sunday.

Its the twins last gymnastics lesson today. They have been in the pre-competitive level all summer. Baby girl will keep going in the fall but I had to pull out baby boy as he will be starting hockey instead. Kind of breaks my heart to pull him out as he is doing really well, but there are only so many extra-curricular activities we can juggle :(

We had a High School Musical kind of week-end. The second one had its world premiere last Friday night. A whole bunch of kids got together to view it a friend's house complete with lots of snacks. Of course, we had to watch the first one before that. And now, we are all humming the songs from the movie!

We went out and bought big sis a new computer. Got really tired of finding her on mine all the time. Its an early b day and x mas gift :)

Spent all of Saturday at Greekfest, (some amazing pics on that site)watching big sis dance in her group as well as other troupes who came from Montreal. All 3 kids had fun volunteering at the kids' tent. Met so many people we know there. Ate way too many loukoumades. Looking forward to next year already!

The twins are so happy with their new feat: they can start swinging on their own and jump off when the swing is up high in the air. They've been out there in our park doing it for hours.

Big sis went to school yesterday for a half-day orientation: got her schedule, her locker and found out who was and wasn't in her class. Luckily, most of all her best friends are in her class, one of the most important things!

Yesterday, we went along with 20 other kids and their moms down to Morrisburg:
Prehistoric World in the morning, picnic lunch in a park by the St Lawrence and an afternoon at Upper Canada Village. I hadn't been there since I was in 5th grade. Oh what fun for all! But boy was I pooped last night!

All right, enough procrastination, time to hit some bills now, yuk. Will post pics later!

a multitude of firsts

When kids are little, there are so many firsts to record: first time smiling, first time laughing, first time eating peaches, first time crawling, etc, etc. Those early firsts come in fast and furious. And then they tend to slow down but every once in a while, there's a few more.

That has been the case around here.

The minute hubby started his holidays, he declared: "that's it, the twins are going to learn to ride their bikes with two wheels only!" So off came the training wheels and on came the full face mask and elbow pads and knee pads and wrist protectors. And after quite a few sessions and a major case of sore backs, they finally got it!! It seemed so symbolic to me, letting go of that seat, seeing them pedal on their own. And the pride! Ah, the pride on their faces, priceless. We still have to work on getting them to take off on their own but they now know how to stop properly. The full face mask replaced by a bike helmet, but I think I'll keep the other paraphernalia on for a little while longer. If anything, for mom's peace of mind ;)

As for big sis, she just came back from her first week away at a canoe-camping camp. A big step for her, and a big step for her dad! I was willing to let her go a few years back but hubby refused. This year he finally agreed.

And what an awesome experience for her. A week with no TV, no computer, no watches, no indoor plumbing, no nagging mom;) They canoed for 3 hours a day, moving from island to island and setting up camp and hiking and rock climbing. She did bring her camera and couldn't wait to show us all the amazing photos she took. She had to eat whatever was given to her, even if she didn't like it cause that's all they had. They sang songs, they enjoyed the nature surrounding them, they developed friendships. Every day since she comes up with anecdotes of thing that happened at camp. It was a major boost for her self-esteem and she came back a much better person. More patient with her siblings, more helpful around the house, hope it keeps up!

The camp monitors gave her a glowing report, her bottom line being: "mature, reflective, thoughtful of others and with a lively spirit" Of course, she can't wait to go back next year and even set her goals on becoming a camp counselor when she's old enough!

Here's a few of her shots in no particular order:

graduation present

So the twins' first week of holidays included trips to the doctor (with two vaccines each, ouch), trips to the dentist and trips to the eye doctor. As a special treat and as a reward for all this good behavior, I also got them tickets to a show: Hi5 at the NAC (their first time there).

I left early enough, our so I thought. But didn't count on getting stuck in traffic due to a demonstration by Ethiopians and then finding the parking lot I usually go to full because of the local Jazz festival, so parking option 2 was full too and ended up at a local mall to park. When we stepped outside to cross the road, the heavens opened up and buckets full of water came down. So we waited. By then the kids were a little freaked from all this excitement and were crying, a little worried about missing the show. But after a while, the heavens obliged, the sun came back out. We got there a few minutes late but were rewarded with great seats: center stage, second row back.

And it was awesome!




The energy, the colors, the singing, seeing my little ones dance and chant along. All the turmoil to get there was soon forgotten.

And bless their hearts, on the way out they saw all the trinkets that are sold at these kind of places and they looked at me and said: "we don't need any of these mom, coming here was great enough!" Talk about mother's pride. So instead they came home and made some of these all by themselves :)

new shoes

Aren't they just the cutest?

I finally did it, a few weeks ago, bought some Crocs for baby girl and baby boy and for me ;) They picked their colors and added some whimsical detailing corresponding perfectly to their little personalties.

When we first saw these in Florida a few years ago, my initial thought of course was, who on earth would buy these things. Now they are everywhere and I have to admit: I love them! So comfy! Little feet don't sweat, the sand doesn't stay trapped in them, easy to clean, OK to walk in puddles and mine are just the best for gardening!

On other news, we went for our annual visit at the pediatrician yesterday. Baby boy was born weighing half a pound less than his sister. That half pound difference has stayed there up until yesterday: they now both weigh exactly 45 pounds. But now baby girl is one whole inch taller than baby boy. Regardless, they are both hovering at the 75% for both height and weight. Way to go kiddos!!!

nighttime ritual

As parents, one of our biggest challenges with little ones, is getting a good nighttime routine going that works effortlessly for everyone. When big sis was little, we had a hard time getting her to settle. Was a combination of traumatizing months of intense colic and new parents who didn't really know what to do. I remember lying on the floor next to her bed waiting for her to fall asleep...and me waking up a few hours later, stiff and still dressed. We eventually figured out, pure trial and error, that she would easily fall asleep on her own only IF music was playing in her room. To this day, she is still like that. I'll go check on her in the evening and she's sound asleep with Evanescence or Maroon 5 or whatever she's into lately blaring in her room.

With the twins, things were easier. A combination of more experience under our belt and the fact that they were together in the same room. I don't exactly know when this particular ritual started or how but it works, so we've just kept doing it. And will for as long as I can because it is just too precious.

Every night, I have to tuck them in, make sure that they have some water on their nightstand and say/do the following in this particular order, no deviations allowed:

"goodnight"
kiss
"bonne nuit"
kiss
"kalinikta"
kiss
"buenas noches"
kiss
"hasta manana"
kiss
"i love you"
kiss
"big hug"
big hug

I walk towards the door, turn off the lights and say as I close the door "see you tomorrow"

and that's that :)

a yay day

Love that term dani!!
I for one, definitely had one.

Went with the twins to their last field trip of the year to the Experimental farm. The kids had been studying farm animals for weeks and even witnessed chicks hatching in their own classroom. So they were psyched. And so was I :)

From boarding the big yellow school bus and singing all the way there, following our guide around from here to there and marveling at the beauty of baby animals, having moments of intense mother's pride when MY little ones would ask smart well-thought out questions or blowing us away with their answers AND having warm little hands holding mine all the time. It was wonderful. All of it. Moments to cherish.





In the evening, went to big sis first soccer game of the season (a mixed team of 12-13 year olds). Hubby is coaching so the twins and I sit on the sidelines. Couldn't get over how much the girls have grown over the past year! Big sis looked like a giant out there compared to the younger girls. Was a great game, great plays, great weather. A blissful suburban evening at the park followed by ice cream treats :)

Looking forward to many more days like this. They're the ones that make the gloomy ones vanish into thin air.

the hormonal front

I don't know how it started. I don't really know if there was a triggering factor. Guess it was more of an escalation. But next thing I knew, big sis and and I were not talking to each other. Lasted for a good 3 days. Very long 3 days that saw me melt in tears at night, profoundly hurt, a hurt like I've never felt before, feeling at wit's ends about what action to take, feeling like a parental failure. Her attitude and bad mood just rubbed off on me and put me in a bad mood too.

I am not ready for these teenage woes.

Whatever happened to my sweet little girl, always cheerful and loving. She's still there, I'm sure, but is overshadowed by this grumpy, lazy creature, who grunts at everything we tell her, or rolls her eyes, or tells me to "leave her alone" or "I don't fell like talking anymore" or "whatever", who doesn't feel like doing anything or going anywhere. You can see the depression and anger setting in but you can't do anything about it cause she won't let me into her world. So I've let her be, as hard as that was. Gave her some space. And hopefully she'll snap back. Seemed better this morning.

Thank God for friends. Quite a few heard me vent out loud these last few days. Including my mom who was quick to point out how I went through similar mood issues, which of course I don't remember. Do moms become dumping grounds for teenage angst? Are they great kids everywhere else but become vicious at home?

At first she really made me mad. Made me think of her as a spoiled kid with no appreciation for all that we do for her. I was actually starting to hate her. And that's a strong feeling, a scary feeling for a mom. I really didn't feel like getting up in the morning to make her breakfast and lunch. Felt like teaching her a lesson and letting her fend on her own. But mom's guilt took over and I didn't end up there. However, today, when the cleaning ladies came, I told them to not bother with her room. I've asked her to tidy up cause they were coming, She didn't. So I wasn't going to. I made a pact with myself to no longer go in there and let her live in her own mess.

And hubby in all this? Well, she's all nice with him unlike me, which makes me feel even worse. At first, I didn't bother him with it cause he is having enough trouble with female co-workers these days. But when I finally approached him, he figured it was no big deal. I was blowing things out of proportion. I think men just don't get all emotionally tangled up like we do.

Thank God also for my 5 year old twins who are still filled with unconditional love and endless supplies of hugs for their mom.

back to square one

So after months of pondering, I registered the twins for first grade next fall at big sis' old school. We visited, met with the teacher, filled all the forms. That was two weeks ago. I was in bliss. Happy and at peace with finally reaching a decision. All is well, right? NO. All is not well. I'm back to square one and the anxiety is driving me berserk.

You see, there's this other school. It finally opened four years ago. I say finally as for the last 10 years I was marginally involved with trying to get it set up in our neck of the woods. It operates under the catholic school board but follows Montessori principles which I really, really like. When it opened, I didn't end up transferring big sis to it as she was in fourth grade and her friends at that point where most important to her. When the twins were born, I said, Yeah, they'll be able to go! I even pre-registered them FOUR years ago! It's a small school, everyone knows each other, small classes and the kids wear uniforms (which I also like). But over the past few years there's been problems with the direction. The principal has been off on stress leave for the past 3 years and there's been one interim principal after another which creates a certain lack of leadership/direction/management. Some parents have been frustrated and pulled their kids out. There's also an issue that there is no busing provided for this school so kids need to be driven back and forth. Some parents have had issues with that and pulled them out. I had a major issue with that as I didn't want to commit being a chauffeur for the next 6 years.

So what changed my way of thinking?

Two things, no, three.

Last week-end there was an article in the newspaper which gave ratings of schools according to those ministry tests given to 3rd and 6th graders. This school came out FIRST...out of the whole province, out of over 3000 schools tested!!! It got an overall mark of 10/10, given to a handful of schools province-wide. Now that got me thinking, really thinking.

AND THEN, I learn that the school board has finally approved the school for busing! No need to drive them back and forth.

And there's also the fact that I'm really pleased with the high school that big sis is attending. This is the high school all the kids at this school would go to. And a very small part of me likes the fact that it is catholic, like to have that extra dimension thrown into their daily lives.

Called the school this morning. Turns out the secretary is a mom I know and she was all excited to hear baby girl and baby boy would be attending! So she'll be sending me all the official forms to fill out.

Shhh, don't tell anyone, but I'm registering them at two schools that way I have more time to ponder and agonize, lovely ;)

st valentines

We went the home-made route this year for the twins. An easy and inexpensive project for them. Got some paper doilies and stickers from the dollar store and they just went ahead and decorated and signed their names on the back. Easy shmeasy but still cute.

Big sis, first year where she didn't bother with making cards. But at the last minute this morning, she grabbed a few heart shaped lollipops we had to distribute to friends at school.

Tonight, our traditional chocolate fondue! Off to farm Boy to get lots of fruit!! Yum!!!

here we go again

Last week, I kept the kids from school one morning to bring them to an open house at the school they will be attending starting next September. First grade. Already. Big lump in mom's throat here.

Seven years ago I went through this common ordeal that parents face: selecting a school for their wee ones. Visited a few. Talked to hords of other parents. And for a mutitude of reasons, made a final selection. It turned out fine. Big sis went to that school for 6 years and she did well.

So seven years later, for the sake of being thorough and most probably anal, started looking at the options available for the twins. Visited a few schools. Talked to hords of parents.

So last week, the twins and I returned to big sis' former elementary school. It was like returning home. The principal, the secretaries, the teachers all came to say hello and "how's big sis doing in high school?" and "are those really the twins? starting already?" Most of them have lived through my pregnancy and saw them on several occasions over the years. The kindergarten teacher assured me that the group of kids my little ones would integrate with next year are great. The first grade teachers were there too and they got to meet them. We discussed how I would like them to be in the same class, for next year at least, just because they don't really know other kids for now. Maybe we'll separate them in the following years. Just another layer of decision-making specific to twin parents.

Bottom line: my mind is at ease now, well more at ease. I think it will be fine. I hope. They feel very comfortable with that school. They can't wait to finally get on a school bus (having watched big sis get on one all these years).

When I left, the secretary, a really sweet lady, tells me: "another 6 years for you!"

Yikes! Here we go again!

I survived!

And actually had a blast! Being gone for 3 days, away from the usual routine, no meals to cook, spending 4-5 hours a day out of doors and being with 17 most incredible little souls was tiring, yes, but invigorating. It was non-stop. One activity after the next. Add to that the fresh air and we had kids who ate like wolves and slept like logs. And it was cold hovering around -20C. But we were all well dressed and the woods tend to be sheltered and less cold. We played broom ball, lots of tobogganing , cross-country skied to a little lodge and had hot chocolate, snowshoeing to a huge beaver dam, walked up a mountain (45 minute hike up), walkedthrough the forest at night with candle torches, singalongs and marshmallows around a camp fire after supper, loads of indoor games (parachute, dress-up, hot potato, duck duck goose, etc), putting snow boots and snow pants and hats and neck warmers and mitts on and off and on and off, wiping runny noses, story time before bedtime, pajama party with clowns and jugglers and getting loads of hugs and seeing happy faces on a great bunch of 4-5 year old. Their parents missed them lots more than they did. What an experience for them. True confidence and independence builder. An experience of a lifetime and I'm so glad I volunteered to go.

Enjoy the pics, in no particular order.
(the lady in the red coat would be me:)

winter fun

Here's a backyard scene from last week-end. They were on the ice in the morning, in the afternoon and again after supper. Baby girl loves to play "tag" chasing her dad around. Baby boy loves to line up his pucks and take rapid succesive slapshots against a board we installed for him or to be the "goalie" so we can try to score on him.

True winter outdoor lovers.

Which is a good thing because tomorrow, they are going to a winter camp with their preschool. Three days filled with outdoor winter activities (tobogganing, snowshoeing, tubing, ringette, cross-country skiing, etc.) and 2 nights in a huge dormitory for 26 people. Their school has been doing this camp for close to 10 years and its for the oldest kids 4.5 yrs and up. Its the highlight of their year. Even big sis who went some 8 years ago still talks about how much fun she had.

There will be 20 kids, 2 teachers, two camp counsellors and two volunteer parents, one being yours truly :~) But now I have a cold. Darn. I have to get better in a hurry cause no matter what, I'm going. I've been hacking and coughing for the past two weeks (and taking ColdFx,zinc, VitC, echinecea) and my sinuses started to hurt yesterday so off to the doctor for some antibiotics. Today, the pain is in my ears. A little Advil cleared it up though.

So wish me luck, I'll tell you all about it when I return, happy but exhausted ;)

what a pair!

Since the beginning of the school year, I've been finding these little plastic cars/buses/planes/boats thingys in the twins pockets. I've asked them both, on separate occasions and one-on-one where those came from. They both told me they found them digging in the sand at school and it was OK to keep them. Since they both told me the same story, I went for it, right?

Wrong!!!!!

Yesterday, I just so happened to be talking to their teacher about this and that and finally brought up this subject telling her what a neat idea it was to have little plastic toys hidden in the sand for them to "find". She looks at me with a puzzled look. What? she says.

Turns out these little toys are used in the classroom for a speical activity. Boy have I been had. They've been in cahoots all along and tricked me. The teacher had a good laugh when I told her and warned me about what else they'll trick me about in years to come.

Ohh la la!

shy girl

Baby girl has been getting more and more shy. Or maybe always was but we are noticing it more. Especially with two siblings who really aren't.

This summer, she never talked to her soccer coach and barely to her teammates. At times we will go places and if there are people she doesn't really know she will tell me ahead of time that she won't talk to anyone. I don't make a big issue out of it. At school, she has one best friend, a little girl who was even more shy but has grown out of it. If her friend isn't there, she won't talk/play with anyone else really. She's not painfully shy, just shy in a quiet way.

So today she was invited to her best friend's house. She was really happy to go, but didn't want to go alone. She wanted her brother and sister to go with her. I couldn't believe that. Thank God the parents of her friend are such great people cause they ended up inheriting my 3 kids for a whole afternoon.

Ah well, let's attribute that to another phase.

Off to get ready we are all going out tonight: to the hockey game. GO SENS GO!!!

twelve years ago today

We became parents. It feels like yesterday, It feels like a lifetime ago.

After 6 years of marriage and just as many years of trying, my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 15 weeks. We were devastated. Those were dark days in our marriage. We consulted specialists in the reproductive field, we had a multitude of tests done. The bottom line of all these knowleadgeable individulas: there is nothing we can do for you. We started thinking of a child-free life, a coping mechanism for sure.

Then a friend, also trying to conceive, asked me to go with her to this chinese herbalist/acupuncturist who specializes in infertility cases. We had a few common friends who had gone already and ended up with babies. She really believed this would work. Me, not really. With my trained scientific mind, I shrugged it all off as insanity but agreed to go with her to make her happy. He gave us a tea to drink and some pills for hubby. Lo and behold, we both got pregnant a few weeks apart.

I was ever so careful with this pregnancy, not rushing to tell everyone as we did the first time. Taking care of myself. Enjoying this purest miracle, with a little voice in the back of my mind thinking this could be the last time I'd ever live through this. Was a great pregnancy with just normal symptoms of heartburn and last trimester bloating. 40 weeks came and went. November 18th, the due date came and went. We were scheduled for an induction on the morning of the 28th of November.

The morning of the 27th, I woke up with mild cramping. They became more regular. We had breakfast in the dining room with the sun filtering through the windows. It was a beautiful sunny Sunday. At 10 am, I felt a pressure and rushed to the shower just in time for my waters breaking and gushing out. Hubby busied himself getting my bags ready and putting a plastic bag over my seat in the vehicle and we drove off smiling proudly at the thought of soon meeting our first born.

Our neighbour, my medical doctor, was outside putting some Christmas decorations. We stopped by to say hi and when she asked how we were, we said "we're great! we're on our way to meet our baby" She laughed and wished us well and was going to join us in a few hours as she was going to be our baby's doctor too.

Get to the hospital, settle in a room, start walking around, pausing for some panting. But then the pain intensified to the point of tears. I was having back labour and no position made me comfortable. Hubby started panicking and started getting things moving for me to get an epidural. Which I finally did. What a relief. Things progressed slowly and steadily and we started pushing. And we pushed. And pushed. And nothing happened. Finally my OB came in and declared that I was going to need a ceasarian. The baby was coming in face first (there's a medical term for this which I forget)and was stuck in the canal.

It became an emergency issue, I was rushed to the OR. Lights and machines were being flicked on as we came in. Hubby was gone to put some scrubs on. My epidural was wearing off. I was petrified with fear. I was alone on that hard cold operating table. People were rushing around me getting things ready, hooking up machines and waiting for the anaesthesiologist to come back from home.

Eventually he arrived, drugged me up and not very long after, our baby girl emerged at 8:30 pm and weighing in at 7 pounds. She had a huge crop of black hair halfway down her back (no wonder I had so much heartburn they said) and she was perfect. Hubby was crying with joy. I was trembling from a mixture of emotions and drugs. Outside, the first snowflakes of the season were falling and by the time hubby left the hospital to go back home, a full blown snowstorm was underway.

And our love affair with this child began.

So many firsts together. SO much joy. And now, I look at her, a young woman and wonder where my little girl has gone. We love her so much and just want the best for her. We want to shield her from the cruelties of this world and want to prepare her for it too. She's a great kid and we congratulate ourselves and count our blessings.

Happy Birthday my firstborn, my beautiful daughter and the best big sis ever.