Thursday, May 10, 2007

the hormonal front

I don't know how it started. I don't really know if there was a triggering factor. Guess it was more of an escalation. But next thing I knew, big sis and and I were not talking to each other. Lasted for a good 3 days. Very long 3 days that saw me melt in tears at night, profoundly hurt, a hurt like I've never felt before, feeling at wit's ends about what action to take, feeling like a parental failure. Her attitude and bad mood just rubbed off on me and put me in a bad mood too.

I am not ready for these teenage woes.

Whatever happened to my sweet little girl, always cheerful and loving. She's still there, I'm sure, but is overshadowed by this grumpy, lazy creature, who grunts at everything we tell her, or rolls her eyes, or tells me to "leave her alone" or "I don't fell like talking anymore" or "whatever", who doesn't feel like doing anything or going anywhere. You can see the depression and anger setting in but you can't do anything about it cause she won't let me into her world. So I've let her be, as hard as that was. Gave her some space. And hopefully she'll snap back. Seemed better this morning.

Thank God for friends. Quite a few heard me vent out loud these last few days. Including my mom who was quick to point out how I went through similar mood issues, which of course I don't remember. Do moms become dumping grounds for teenage angst? Are they great kids everywhere else but become vicious at home?

At first she really made me mad. Made me think of her as a spoiled kid with no appreciation for all that we do for her. I was actually starting to hate her. And that's a strong feeling, a scary feeling for a mom. I really didn't feel like getting up in the morning to make her breakfast and lunch. Felt like teaching her a lesson and letting her fend on her own. But mom's guilt took over and I didn't end up there. However, today, when the cleaning ladies came, I told them to not bother with her room. I've asked her to tidy up cause they were coming, She didn't. So I wasn't going to. I made a pact with myself to no longer go in there and let her live in her own mess.

And hubby in all this? Well, she's all nice with him unlike me, which makes me feel even worse. At first, I didn't bother him with it cause he is having enough trouble with female co-workers these days. But when I finally approached him, he figured it was no big deal. I was blowing things out of proportion. I think men just don't get all emotionally tangled up like we do.

Thank God also for my 5 year old twins who are still filled with unconditional love and endless supplies of hugs for their mom.

7 comments:

THETHINKINGSQUARE said...

You sound like you are describing my daughter these days. It is tough but like you I still have my 9 year old who likes to talk and hang out for now anyways.

nancy said...

Does it help any that I am also completely hormonal and would happily give you as many hugs as you want?

BeachMama said...

Sadly, I do remember those days... being so hormonal that is. We never went to bed without resolving things though and never went without talking for more than a day. My Mom made sure of that. She had four girls to deal with and went through hormonal changes for a good 16 years. When my youngest sister started getting nippy Mom just said, "I've been there before, three times, give it up, it isn't going to fly" And you know what? She wasn't as bad as the rest of us! You'll get through it, I think we all go through it a little bit. Take your hugs and cuddles from the twins and add a few extra from all of us here too.

Silver Creek Mom said...

HUGGGZZZZZ

I've emailed you

LOVE YA

kate5kiwis said...

woooo hoooooo
have tried so many times to comment: *(^^&$$%*_)% blogger...
loads of love, we have the exact same teenage hormones here...
no wisdom, only h-u-g-s X

DaniGirl said...

Oh, how awful for you. I can't imagine how sad you must be feeling to be struggling with this, but my heart aches reading this. Hugs!!

Loukia said...

It must be so sad and trying going through this. I know we all went through a rough stage with our teenage years, some more than others, and just remember - this will pass! Maybe you two need a girls day out or something? I don't know, I have no good advice to offer because I'm not sure there is anything that can fix this except for time. Good luck and stay strong and you're a great mom, so never forget that.