twelve years ago today

We became parents. It feels like yesterday, It feels like a lifetime ago.

After 6 years of marriage and just as many years of trying, my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 15 weeks. We were devastated. Those were dark days in our marriage. We consulted specialists in the reproductive field, we had a multitude of tests done. The bottom line of all these knowleadgeable individulas: there is nothing we can do for you. We started thinking of a child-free life, a coping mechanism for sure.

Then a friend, also trying to conceive, asked me to go with her to this chinese herbalist/acupuncturist who specializes in infertility cases. We had a few common friends who had gone already and ended up with babies. She really believed this would work. Me, not really. With my trained scientific mind, I shrugged it all off as insanity but agreed to go with her to make her happy. He gave us a tea to drink and some pills for hubby. Lo and behold, we both got pregnant a few weeks apart.

I was ever so careful with this pregnancy, not rushing to tell everyone as we did the first time. Taking care of myself. Enjoying this purest miracle, with a little voice in the back of my mind thinking this could be the last time I'd ever live through this. Was a great pregnancy with just normal symptoms of heartburn and last trimester bloating. 40 weeks came and went. November 18th, the due date came and went. We were scheduled for an induction on the morning of the 28th of November.

The morning of the 27th, I woke up with mild cramping. They became more regular. We had breakfast in the dining room with the sun filtering through the windows. It was a beautiful sunny Sunday. At 10 am, I felt a pressure and rushed to the shower just in time for my waters breaking and gushing out. Hubby busied himself getting my bags ready and putting a plastic bag over my seat in the vehicle and we drove off smiling proudly at the thought of soon meeting our first born.

Our neighbour, my medical doctor, was outside putting some Christmas decorations. We stopped by to say hi and when she asked how we were, we said "we're great! we're on our way to meet our baby" She laughed and wished us well and was going to join us in a few hours as she was going to be our baby's doctor too.

Get to the hospital, settle in a room, start walking around, pausing for some panting. But then the pain intensified to the point of tears. I was having back labour and no position made me comfortable. Hubby started panicking and started getting things moving for me to get an epidural. Which I finally did. What a relief. Things progressed slowly and steadily and we started pushing. And we pushed. And pushed. And nothing happened. Finally my OB came in and declared that I was going to need a ceasarian. The baby was coming in face first (there's a medical term for this which I forget)and was stuck in the canal.

It became an emergency issue, I was rushed to the OR. Lights and machines were being flicked on as we came in. Hubby was gone to put some scrubs on. My epidural was wearing off. I was petrified with fear. I was alone on that hard cold operating table. People were rushing around me getting things ready, hooking up machines and waiting for the anaesthesiologist to come back from home.

Eventually he arrived, drugged me up and not very long after, our baby girl emerged at 8:30 pm and weighing in at 7 pounds. She had a huge crop of black hair halfway down her back (no wonder I had so much heartburn they said) and she was perfect. Hubby was crying with joy. I was trembling from a mixture of emotions and drugs. Outside, the first snowflakes of the season were falling and by the time hubby left the hospital to go back home, a full blown snowstorm was underway.

And our love affair with this child began.

So many firsts together. SO much joy. And now, I look at her, a young woman and wonder where my little girl has gone. We love her so much and just want the best for her. We want to shield her from the cruelties of this world and want to prepare her for it too. She's a great kid and we congratulate ourselves and count our blessings.

Happy Birthday my firstborn, my beautiful daughter and the best big sis ever.