a celebration

This past week-end was my birthday. My 45th birthday. Somehow, this birthday milestone is getting to me. More so than all previous ones. Its confusing me. Sounds SO middle aged. Can't believe I'm here already. What does one do after one is 45? Seems there's this whole blank canvas ahead of me and not sure how to tackle it. Up until now there was always an order to things, a purpose of direction. Years of studying to get a job. Years of working at said job. Years battling infertility issues and emotions. Years of physically taking care of little ones. And now: no studying, no job, done with the whole procreation thing, kids don't need me on a purely physical level as when they were wee ones. So I'm left at this crossroad where I feel I need to re-create, re-find myself. The question I constantly get asked is bothering me: "So? Kids are now going to be in school full time. Aren't you going back to work?" And my instinctive response: "Nope. Don't feel like it, just yet". There's all this other stuff I want to do. A bit of this, a bit of that. No major projects really. And maybe that's whats unsettling me. This uncertainty. Ah well, one day at a time, things will fall into place somehow. But the thought of being 45, yikes, makes me shudder.

So we had a nice quiet little celebration at home. Went by myself to our local open market in the morning for a coffee and some fresh produce. Came home for a little gardening in the glorious sunshine and, of course, took some flower pics. Hubby and my parents helped prepare a BBQ lunch followed by my special request: chocolate cake with fresh respberries. Then went mini-putting with the kids followed by a refreshing swim in the pool. And the day ended with a motorcycle ride with hubby at sunset throughout our local countryside. The smells and the sights made me realize how much I love living out here. Gifts? Lots of hugs and kisses. Kids got me the most adorable dollar store finds, my parents some gift certificates to indulge myself, hubby a beautiful piece of jewellery I had been eyein for a while and a good friend hooked me up with her cleaning lady. Yoo hoo! She's starting this week!!

The twins were expecting a huge party with lots of people and gifts, like their birthdays. Had to explain to them that as one gets older, there's less partying and less gifts and the important thing is being surrounded by the people we love.

My parents were in attendance of course. It is after all the anniversary of when they became parents. A story worth telling. They met a year before my birth in Geneva, Switzerland, on a blind date. She a Spanish seamstress and he a French pastry chef. She was 37 and he was 26. She had been married many years before for all of a week or so (hubby died in an accident) and he just returned from a military tour in Algeria. Despite the fact that they didn't speak each other's language, Cupid found them and sealed their fate. In November they went to Barcelona, her home town, for a civil wedding attended only by a husband and wife, long term friends of my moms, who acted as their witnesses. My dad's family wasn't too impressed with the fact that he was marrying a foreigner AND an older women to boot. Afterwards they settled in Nice, yes, on the French Riviera where I made my appearance exactly 9 months later. They lived in this quaint little apartment with an outdoor terrace double the size of the apartment. They had a beautiful flower garden and shade provided by palm trees. We were just a nice stroll away from the beach. Yes, I've since been back to visit my first home and all the other places where we used to hang out. Back then, when a woman gave birth she stayed in the hospital for 2 whole weeks (wow, what a luxury), in a special ward for new moms where they were catered to, helped them to recover and helped them establish a bond with their newborn and ensure that the breastfeeding was going well. During that time, my mom met another mom who was talking about moving to Canada the following year. And that's what sparked it all. My parents, out of a sense of adventure, decided to come meet them here a few years later. But no wonder I have this love for the beach, that's where I spent the first few years of my life, all those years ago!