the hormonal front

I don't know how it started. I don't really know if there was a triggering factor. Guess it was more of an escalation. But next thing I knew, big sis and and I were not talking to each other. Lasted for a good 3 days. Very long 3 days that saw me melt in tears at night, profoundly hurt, a hurt like I've never felt before, feeling at wit's ends about what action to take, feeling like a parental failure. Her attitude and bad mood just rubbed off on me and put me in a bad mood too.

I am not ready for these teenage woes.

Whatever happened to my sweet little girl, always cheerful and loving. She's still there, I'm sure, but is overshadowed by this grumpy, lazy creature, who grunts at everything we tell her, or rolls her eyes, or tells me to "leave her alone" or "I don't fell like talking anymore" or "whatever", who doesn't feel like doing anything or going anywhere. You can see the depression and anger setting in but you can't do anything about it cause she won't let me into her world. So I've let her be, as hard as that was. Gave her some space. And hopefully she'll snap back. Seemed better this morning.

Thank God for friends. Quite a few heard me vent out loud these last few days. Including my mom who was quick to point out how I went through similar mood issues, which of course I don't remember. Do moms become dumping grounds for teenage angst? Are they great kids everywhere else but become vicious at home?

At first she really made me mad. Made me think of her as a spoiled kid with no appreciation for all that we do for her. I was actually starting to hate her. And that's a strong feeling, a scary feeling for a mom. I really didn't feel like getting up in the morning to make her breakfast and lunch. Felt like teaching her a lesson and letting her fend on her own. But mom's guilt took over and I didn't end up there. However, today, when the cleaning ladies came, I told them to not bother with her room. I've asked her to tidy up cause they were coming, She didn't. So I wasn't going to. I made a pact with myself to no longer go in there and let her live in her own mess.

And hubby in all this? Well, she's all nice with him unlike me, which makes me feel even worse. At first, I didn't bother him with it cause he is having enough trouble with female co-workers these days. But when I finally approached him, he figured it was no big deal. I was blowing things out of proportion. I think men just don't get all emotionally tangled up like we do.

Thank God also for my 5 year old twins who are still filled with unconditional love and endless supplies of hugs for their mom.